Blood vs Duty actress Kolette Madelo weighed in on the ongoing conversation surrounding the Filipino culture of “utang na loob,” stressing that there is nothing wrong with giving back to those who helped you, as long as it comes from genuine willingness and not obligation.
In an interview with Hot Takes, Kolette shared her thoughts on the long-standing cultural practice, which has become a topic of discussion online in recent years. While some argue that utang na loob can become toxic when used to guilt people into giving back, Kolette maintained that its true essence lies in voluntary appreciation for those who have helped and supported you.
Asked why she thinks utang na loob remains deeply rooted among Filipinos, Kolette pointed to the natural desire to return kindness, especially to one's family.
“Pag sinabi nating utang na loob, kusa naman siyang binibigay eh. Hindi siya binibigay dahil napipilitan ka. Ako kasi, hindi naman nila (family) sinabi sa akin na ‘ikaw ang gumastos sa bahay o bigyan mo kami ng pera’. Kusa ko siyang binibigay [kasi] yan yung gusto kong gawin, as I promised sa family ko na maggi-give back ako”.
For the Pinoy Big Brother Gen 11 3rd Big Placer, gratitude toward parents is something that comes naturally after recognizing their sacrifices throughout a child's life. However, she emphasized that this does not automatically make a child responsible for carrying every burden of the family.
“Hindi naman natin maiiwasan na hindi magkaroon ng utang na loob lalo na sa parents natin kasi simula pa pagkabata natin, inalagaan nila tayo. Kumbaga, automatic na yun. [Pero] hindi mo naman lahat obligasyon na ikaw ang gumastos sa lahat, pero way mo na lang yun ng pasasalamat sa pagpapalaki nila nang maayos sayo”.
According to Kolette, problems arise when giving back becomes something that is demanded rather than freely offered. She noted that what should be an expression of appreciation can easily turn into resentment when accompanied by pressure or guilt.
She added that healthy gratitude does not require a person to shoulder everything on behalf of their loved ones.
“As anak, hindi mo naman talaga obligasyon na saluhin lahat...as utang na loob [sa pagpapalaki sayo], ibibigay mo na lang yung mga kaya mong gawin, kung kaya mo naman palang itulong why not? Pero hindi naman sa lahat ng bagay, ikaw yung [gagawa]. Meron pa ring [dapat] na pagtutulungan.”
Despite her stance, Kolette admitted that there are moments when she feels guilty whenever she cannot extend help because she chooses to prioritize herself. Still, she believes that setting limits is necessary and should not be viewed as selfishness.
At the center of her reflections is the belief that while utang na loob can be a meaningful way of giving back, it should never come at the expense of one's own well-being.
“Huwag kang matakot mag-set ng boundaries sa sarili mo kasi hindi mo naman talaga obligasyon kung ano yung talagang obligasyon ng parents [mo]”.
“Okay lang tumulong pero importante talaga na mag-set ka ng boundaries at unahin mo yung sarili mo bago ang lahat. Kasi hindi ka makakatulong sa parents mo o sa ibang tao kapag hindi mo muna tinulungan yung sarili mo,” she maintained.
Kolette also had a message for people who equate boundaries with abandonment, stressing that choosing oneself does not mean turning one's back on loved ones.
“Hindi ibig-sabihin na inuna namin yung sarili namin [ay] it means [na] hindi na namin kayo naiisip, tutulungan, or iiwan namin kayo. Setting boundaries is important, talaga. Kasi kung hindi mo tutulungan yung sarili mo, paano mo tutulungan yung pamilya mo?”
As the conversation came to a close, Kolette reiterated her belief that utang na loob should not be viewed solely as something negative. For her, it remains a meaningful Filipino value as long as it is driven by sincerity and not obligation.
Sharing her final hot take on utang na loob, Kolette emphasized: “Huwag kang matakot na mag-set ng boundaries. Hindi naman natin talaga obligasyon na kunin lahat ng obligasyon ng parents natin. As long as willing ka naman tumulong talaga, wala namang poblema.”