Content Warning: contains discussions on mental health and depression
People are mourning the loss of Emman Atienza, the social media personality known for her humor and genuine connection with her supporters.
In what would become her last message shared on her Instagram broadcast channel last September 1, Emman opened up about the pressures of staying true to herself on social media, revealing her decision to deactivate her TikTok account.
“I started posting on TikTok last year as a little diary & as exposure therapy because I was very insecure of my looks and personality for a long time. I wanted to push myself to be authentic & proud. along the way, many of you found me. it's been a great journey <3"
"Not only have I become infinitely more confident, secure, and authentic, I've also met so many amazing people along the way. I gained traction pretty quickly & had almost a million followers too, which is very cool. I’m so grateful."
READ: Kuya Kim Atienza's daughter Emman passes away
However, she admitted that being an online personality made it challenging for her to be “proud” and “authentic.” Emman shared that the constant negativity had quietly weighed on her for the past few months.
“Don't get me wrong, I can handle hate. I’ve gotten death threats from DDS everyday, misogynists in my comments telling me I’m stupid, burner accounts of high school bullies trying to egg me on. none of that has really phased me that much,” she disclosed.
Emman recognized that the Philippine society has always been conservative, which is why she always tried to "push back on backwards systems." Even so, she admitted that the online hate impacts her subconsciously.
“But I feel like the hate has piled up in my head subconsciously. every time I post, I feel excited but also anxious and dreadful knowing there's going to be some hate I'll have to force myself to ignore. I catch myself checking my notifications every few minutes, hyper aware of every little thing about me.”
She made it clear that she never approached social media for monetary gain, but rather for the joy of expressing herself and engaging with her community.
"I never really did social media for money. I did it for fun, self expression, and community. maybe I'd put up with the hate knowing I'd be receiving a paycheck at the end of every month. but my main compensation was always the joy & passion I felt when posting- which has been fading,” Emman admitted.
Having thought about taking a break for a month or two, Emman recognized that she was feeling less proud and increasingly anxious, which clashed with her original purpose when she started TikTok.
"I find myself becoming less proud, more anxious," she said.
By taking some time off, she assured her fans that this break was to nurture her mental and emotional health.
“So today I finally decided to deactivate my account :) I'm not sure when I’ll come back. maybe in a few days, maybe a few months. just until I can recollect my thoughts, reset my values, & clear my head of the dread. just need to breathe a bit & take a break."
Emman ended her last broadcast message by expressing appreciation to her fans, saying that it means a lot for her: "thank you guys for following me! it really means a lot."
It was on November 2024 that Emman publicly shared her mental health struggles in relation to her social media engagement. In her interview with Toni Gonzaga on Toni Talks, she remembered how her video with the “guess the bill” challenge sparked online criticism. Although the post was satirical, the internet came throwing hate at her, calling her by different negative names.
In the same interview, she revealed that she had been battling with mental health struggles since the age of 12, and was later diagnosed with depression. From then on, she had been seeking professional help to help her cope with the challenges she was facing.
READ: Kim Atienza shows full support on daughter’s mental health journey
Since then, Emman has been vocal, sharing her mental health journey online, and posting videos and photos of encouragement on her social media accounts.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DEkt_mvvSiM/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
Through her broadcast channel “naks naman” Emman and her fans created a space of mutual care, letting her know that she was not alone and that her courage to be authentic resonated deeply with them.
Emman's passing was announced by her family this Friday morning, October 24.
She was 19 years old.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis and need someone to talk to please contact:
National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) Crisis Hotline at 1553 (Luzon-wide landline toll-free), 0917-899-8727, (02) 7-989-8727
—By Alyana Cabuhat De Guzman