Trigger warning: This article mentions death and mental-health disorder.
In an interview with Jessica Soho last Sunday, November 2, Kim Atienza opened up about how each member of his family is coping with grief following the sudden passing of his daughter, Emman Atienza last October 22.
The interview marked Kim’s first public appearance, discussing the painful experience that deeply affected his family. He began his story by reflecting on his faith, saying that Emman did not die in vain and that her death holds a purpose.
“I know that nothing happens [by] accident, and I know that all things work out well. Everything is planned by the Lord,” he said.
"This is not in vain. May dahilan, that gives me peace," he reflected.
READ: Kim Atienza recalls the moment he learned about Emman’s death: ‘Napaluhod ako, nanlamig ako’
Kim shared how each member of the Atienza family has found different ways to cope with grief. According to Kim, he avoids being alone, knowing it only intensifies the heaviness he feels. Keeping himself occupied also helps him process the pain.
“I’m good. Pero grief kasi comes in waves e. Minsan biglang bumabagsak, ngayon okay ako. Ayokong mag-isa dahil pag mag-isa ako medyo mabigat,” he admitted.
Meanwhile, he highlighted how his family is leaning on their own strengths to get through grief: “Malakas si Feli. Feli is a very strong woman. Ang way of coping ni Feli is [being] very busy taking care of the details of the wake, sa pagligpit ng bahay. Galing kami sa LA [Los Angeles, California] ng ilang araw. That's what keeps her sane and keeps her not grieving too much. Ako yung emotional sa pamilya e,” he shared.
READ: Atienza family pays tribute to Emman
“Si Jose, siya 'yung tumulong sa LA. Siya yung lumalakad ng mga papeles doon. Doon na kasi nakatira sa America 'yun. Eliana is strong as well. I raised very strong kids,” he continued.
“Even Emman, I thought, was very strong, but I didn't know that deep inside she was also suffering. Kasi, she put up a very strong front, a very happy front, yet she was suffering, and she was in pain,” he added.
According to Kim, his daughter was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Bipolar Disorder as a result of her traumatic childhood experiences. He then recalled the moment he learned of Emman’s passing, saying he was immediately devastated when his wife, Feli, shared the news.
READ: Remembering Emman Atienza: her search for authenticity and making a connection
“That day that I found out, I was in shock. Pero ang therapy ko kasi, trabaho e. Wala akong pamilya rito, nasa America silang lahat. That was the most difficult day. Probably the most difficult day [of] my life,” Kim recalled.
Despite the heartbreak, they initially chose to keep the information within the family. To cope with the overwhelming grief, he tried to keep up with work amid the pain: “Feli told me, ‘Let's not be public about it yet hanggang makuha natin yung official coroner's report.’ It will take one or two days, so I was quiet about it. I went to GMA, nag-TiktoClock pa ako nung araw na ‘ýun. Ang hirap. But better pa rin kasi nalilibang ako e. I went to 24 [Oras] pa that night,” he continued.
“But it helped me that I was out of the house. I would have been worse kung nandito ako sa loob ng bahay,” he assured.
Emman's remains were cremated, a decision rooted in the family's desire for peace and acceptance. Instead of remembering the painful details of her passing, Kim chooses to focus on the beautiful memories he holds: “I want to think of how beautiful my daughter was, how smart she was. Itong mga grim details, binibigay ko kay Lord 'yan.”
Meanwhile, Kim admitted that he handled grief initially by questioning Emman's passing, as he was confused of her sudden death despite being so prayerful for it not to happen: “Nagsimula yung stage ko na questioning. Ang dasal ko, Lord ano 'to? And then, nagkaroon ako ng kaonting resentment, anger. Sa sarili ko, sa sitwasyon, nagreklamo ako kay Lord. He takes that naman e. Ngayon nasa acceptance [stage] ako. Tanggap ko ang nangyari. Alam kong wala na siya,” he stated.
Kim described that he could not let himself not to cry whenever he remembers the good memories he once shared with Emman because of the unbearable pain he feels. But he allows himself to cry knowing that it is a healthy way to cope with grief.
“It comes in waves,” he added.
READ: Kim Atienza responds to online criticism over daughter Emman's death
Beyond their grief, the family has also faced online bullying on social media. Yet in honor of Emman, they choose to respond with kindness, a value she dearly held in life: “Even yung mga comments sa social media, masakit. Minsan ginagamit pa yung Bible kasi. Ang tawag ko sa kanila evangelical bully. But again, ang motto ni Emman is a little kindness. Even to them na nangbu-bully hanggang ngayon, we still show a little kindness.”
“That's her life. She was a little kind every day. If I'm a little kind today, Emman is alive in my heart. That gives me comfort,” he remarked.
Emman's wake will be held on November 3 and 4, from 12 p.m. to 10 p.m. at Chapel 5 of The Heritage Memorial Park in Taguig City.
By Alyana Cabuhat De Guzman